How to Teach a Child to Fall Asleep Independently: 4 Reliable Methods

 There are four very effective methods to teach a child to fall asleep independently. Self-Soothing MethodThis method involves a gentle approach using verbal and tactile "soothing" techniques that help the child fall asleep and calm down after waking up independently.How to ActIf your child has trouble falling asleep, start bedtime rituals every day at the same time. A warm bath, dim lighting, a bedtime story (the soft tones of a mother’s voice lull the child), and quiet, calming music all contribute to relaxation. When it’s time for sleep, place the child in the crib and stay nearby. As soon as you notice their eyes closing, quietly leave the room. If the little one notices and starts crying, return, but do not pick them up; instead, begin to speak softly. The main task is to help them calm down upon hearing your voice and then fall asleep on their own. Gradually, the child will get used to the idea that when they wake up at night, they are not picked up. You can soothe the baby with your voice without getting up, using a baby monitor. After two to three weeks of effort, the child will be able to sleep alone in their bed for a more or less extended period.Psychologist's CommentThis is a humane and relatively painless way to teach a child to sleep independently. The key here is the mother’s consistency in her actions, patience, and self-confidence ("I am doing the right thing"). Do not focus on the timeline for achieving results! Remember that they are very individual. Some parents may manage to teach their child to sleep independently in a few weeks, while others may need more time. It is also important to understand that there are periods when the little one cannot calm down on their own and will be whiny and anxious, regardless of the circumstances (for example, after vaccinations, visiting friends, or during teething). Your task is to remember this and seek ways to help both the child and yourself.The recommendation not to pick up the child if they start crying should not be treated as an unbreakable law. Act according to the situation. First, do not allow the child to have a tantrum, to the point of coughing or vomiting. If the crying intensifies, the child is signaling that just having mom nearby, her voice, and gentle strokes are not enough at that moment. Secondly, many parents know that children cry differently when they are in pain, hungry, or just had a bad dream — listen to your own intuition. “Long Goodbye” MethodThis option is ideal for parents who find it hard to cope with the baby’s crying. How to teach a child to fall asleep if they start whining as soon as you leave the nursery? Gradually move away from the crib: each day, as you put the baby to sleep, you should sit further and further away from them until you are out of the room. Knowing that mom is nearby, the child will learn to fall asleep independently without stress or fear. In turn, you will gain precious time for household chores and yourself.  How to ActPut the child in the crib when they are already sleepy but not yet fully asleep. Sit nearby so that they can see you. If the baby starts to whine and asks to be picked up, gently stroke them and whisper something soothing ("Mom is here, everything is fine"). Respond to the crying, but only pick the child up if they become too agitated. After the baby calms down, return to the place where you were sitting before. You should only leave the room after the baby has fallen completely asleep! Be prepared for the possibility that if they wake up again in the middle of the night, you will have to “put them to sleep” in the same way — sitting by the crib.During the first three days, gradually move the chair further away from the crib each time. By the fourth day, it should be about halfway between the crib and the door, and by the seventh day, you should be sitting next to the doorframe. Stay in that position for another three to four days. After 10–14 days, the little one will be able to sleep peacefully in the nursery alone.Psychologist's CommentWhen moving away from the crib, do not sit with your back to the child: they will likely feel anxious since they cannot see their mother’s face. The method is called “long goodbye,” so some children may need more time to accept it, and parents may have to move towards the door much more slowly. The emotional state of the mother can interfere with the process of falling asleep. For example, if she is irritated about something, unsure that it will work, or in too much of a hurry, the child can easily “read” this — and falling asleep will require greater effort.If you decide to practice this method, get your own feelings, emotions, and thoughts in order.“No Tears” Method (from Elizabeth Pantley’s book “The No-Cry Sleep Solution”)The essence of the method lies in analyzing and, if necessary, changing the associations that arise for the child regarding going to sleep. If the little one is used to falling asleep while breastfeeding or when you rock them in your arms, it is natural that they will be fussy when placed in the crib.Therefore, the author of the method advises starting to put the baby to sleep 1.5–2 hours earlier than the usual time in each family. This will help the child avoid overtiredness and also free up a little extra time for mom. How to ActIf you notice that the baby only falls asleep in your arms, you will need to make an effort to change their associations related to going to sleep. Let them fall asleep a few times in different conditions: in the car, at friends’ houses, or when you rock them in a rocking chair. Also, try to find an object that they will get used to taking to bed. It doesn’t have to be a stuffed toy! It could be a pacifier, your handkerchief, or something else.Reduce the time of nighttime feedings and do not rush to the child at their first call. Learn to recognize the sounds the little one makes at night to understand whether they have truly woken up or not. If the baby is on formula or mixed feeding, you can consult a pediatrician and introduce an evening bottle of nutritious formula into the ritual. There are different types of formula, including those based on farm goat’s milk, which will help satisfy the baby and support their strong and peaceful night’s sleep. The formula is also rich in beneficial nutrients that are well absorbed by the body, supporting the child’s growth and development.Upon hearing grunting in the crib, pretend to be asleep until you are sure that the child is really awake and needs you, rather than just tossing and turning in their sleep. If the baby cries, offer them the breast or a bottle, but do not wait until they fall asleep. Try to wean them off the “soothing” at the moment of falling asleep. You can hold the baby close and gently rock them while saying “sh-sh-sh” and “hush-hush.” Then reduce the rocking time: after waking and feeding, quickly place the baby back in their crib and do the same while staying nearby. After some time, when nighttime feedings are gone, try not to pick the baby up if they wake up (stroke them, whisper soothing words while leaning over the crib). According to the author of the method, in the future, you will be able to soothe the child just by being in the doorway of the nursery or even outside the door. Psychologist's CommentWhat is particularly appealing here is the choice of “soothing” methods: both breastfeeding, pacifiers, and listening to the sounds the child makes. I would also add a bottle of water during the period of reducing nighttime feedings. The main thing is not to rush and trust your maternal instinct. If things are not going well and the child still has trouble falling asleep, do not get irritated and do not abandon the method. Try different options, thereby expanding your possibilities. And, of course, remember that the emotional state of the baby is greatly influenced by the psychological climate in the family.If there is enough tension between the parents, prolonged disagreements, or other difficulties, the child will likely not want to separate from mom: staying alone in the room, sleeping without breastfeeding, lying in the crib, and soothing themselves. If they feel that “something is wrong,” mom will be needed as support: “She feeds me, puts me to sleep, I see and feel her, she loves me, I feel safe.” Ferber MethodRichard Ferber is an American professor studying children's sleep issues. His method, published in 1985 and dedicated to teaching children to fall asleep independently, sparked a storm of criticism. Ferber based his approach on the idea that infants quickly become accustomed to the constant presence of their mother, after which they refuse to fall asleep independently. As a result, as the child grows, putting them to bed takes a lot of time and effort from the parents.It is believed that the Ferber method teaches the child to rely on their own strength to achieve the necessary comfort from a very young age, as well as training patience and resignation.In 2006, nearly 20 years later, Ferber's book was reissued. The author himself commented on this: "In the first edition, I tried to explain my task clearly, but I found that I was not always understood correctly. Many thought that I was suggesting solving all problems with a single method, regardless of the nature of the sleep disturbances. Worse, the method referred to (one of many recommended in the book) was incorrectly understood as a variant of the infamous 'let them cry it out, and everything will be fine,' which I was fighting against. To leave a child to cry in the crib until they fall asleep, no matter how long it takes? No, that is not my method! On the contrary, many of my recommendations are aimed at avoiding unnecessary crying."How to ActHow to teach a child to fall asleep? Ferber advises starting with the usual bedtime ritual: bath, feeding, lullaby. Then you put the little one in bed, wish them good night, and leave the room. Most likely, you will immediately hear demanding whimpering. Then you can return to the room to soothe the baby. Be prepared to do this many times, possibly more than 20 times a night! The time intervals for entering the room depend on the child’s age, their habits, and your endurance. At first, you can return after just a minute. After you re-enter the room, soothe the little one — with words or touches, but under no circumstances take them out of the crib! If necessary, stay nearby for as long as it takes until they fall asleep again. Do this every time the baby wakes up. Starting from the second night, gradually increase the intervals of your absence in the nursery. An easier version of this method is to leave the nursery for a few hours only at night.When trying to soothe the child, it is advisable not to give them anything (neither breast nor bottle). The exception is a pacifier, which is best placed nearby so that the little one can find it themselves. You should only enter the room when the child is really crying, not just whining. Professor Ferber is confident that sooner or later the method works: the child learns to fall asleep independently, even if they wake up at night and realize they are alone in the room. The only urgent recommendation: ensure that your closest relatives agree to support you in the process of moving the little one to a separate bed.Practice shows that fathers usually find it easier to follow this tactic and endure the time intervals than mothers (especially breastfeeding ones). This method is more suitable for three-year-old children than for infants, as it is during this period that the child is emotionally and mentally ready for “separation” from mom.Psychologist's CommentBefore practicing the Ferber method, look into the near future. Are there any trips planned in your family when you will be staying away from home? Or a temporary absence of the parent who plans to teach the child to sleep independently? Major changes in the child's life — for example, starting kindergarten? Ask yourself: "Can they handle such a load right now?" This method requires parents to have strong willpower and a great responsibility for their actions. After all, the recommendation "do not take the child out of the crib" can lead to increased and reinforced anxiety in the little one. Try to find the "golden mean." Even better — ask yourself: "Why am I doing this and what do I want to achieve? Why do I choose this method over many others that exist?"