How to Be a Good Parent: 10 Key Principles and Tips

Unfortunately, there is no universal recipe for being a good parent. The main work will have to be done by yourself. With the arrival of children, many parents need to work on themselves and their behavior. This is the essence of parental wisdom — to change not the child, but oneself. This is emphasized by the advice of psychologist Laurence Steinberg, author of the book "10 Principles of Good Parenting." Take Action Your actions are more important than words. How you take care of your health and how you treat others serves as an example for your children. "This is one of the main principles," notes Steinberg. "So try to control your reactions. Ask yourself: what will I achieve with this action? What will be the result?" Do Not Spoil Excessive love can be harmful. "You cannot spoil a child with love," says Steinberg. "What we consider spoiling is usually the result of giving the child things instead of love." Be Involved Be engaged in your child's life. "Being an active parent requires effort and time; sometimes it challenges your priorities. It may mean sacrificing your desires for the needs of the child. Be present both physically and emotionally." Being involved in your child's life does not mean doing their homework for them. "Homework is a tool for the teacher to assess the child's progress. If you do it for them, it helps neither the child nor the teacher." Adapt The child is growing, and your parenting methods must change along with them. "At three years old, the desire for autonomy makes the child say 'no' to everything, but it also helps them learn to use the potty. The intellectual development of a 13-year-old makes them curious at school, but it can also lead to arguments at home." Set Rules Establish and adhere to rules. "If you do not manage your child's behavior when they are young, it will be difficult for them to learn self-control when they grow up. At any time, you should be ready to answer three questions: 'Where is my child? Who are they with? What are they doing?' Rules established from childhood will form the basis for their future rules. However, do not be overly protective — in middle school, they should learn to make choices on their own." Foster Independence Encourage your children to be autonomous. "By setting limits, you cultivate self-control. By fostering independence, you develop the ability to self-organize. Both qualities are necessary for adult life. The desire for independence is part of human nature; do not confuse it with rebellion." Be Consistent If your rules change too often or you only remember them occasionally, the child's bad behavior is your fault. Consistency is your main parenting tool. Determine which points are non-negotiable. The more your authority is based on wisdom rather than power, the less the child will try to challenge you. Avoid Harsh Punishments Under no circumstances should you use physical punishment. "If children are hit, they may start fighting with other children or become bullies themselves. There are more effective ways to discipline, such as 'time-outs,' that do not involve aggression." Explain Explain the rules and your decisions to your child. "Often, parents explain too much to young children and too little to teenagers. What is obvious to you may not be clear to a 12-year-old who lacks your experience and analytical ability." Respect Treat your child with respect. "If you want your child to respect you, treat them with respect. Respect their opinion, listen carefully when they speak to you. Be kind and try to bring them joy when possible. Your relationship with your child is the foundation of their relationships with others.